My Hero (series 5)

Series 5 begins dramatically as Janet is rushed to hospital, about to give birth again!

The new arrival is a girl, who can see into the future. Her first prediction is that she will be named Cassandra, Cassie for short. Her only power also brings great distress when she predicts Ella is going to die. George scans her and declares her in perfect condition but follows her to keep an eye on her, even following her to the hair dresser and gets a style of his own. Cassie goes on to predict that Ollie, Stanley, Mrs Raven, Tyler, Arnie and Janet will die next.

George tells Tyler and Arnie this after claiming Ant and Dec are real as this would horrify them so much that the next revelation would not seem so bad, which is terrible anyway: Arnie is miserable that he cannot give Mrs Raven a baby as she will die too. When George asks how many more people will die Cassie says everyone except in the 'Land of the Kangaroos' and the TV series Home and Away. Janet points out it is Australia and Piers is not because he won a place on I'm A Celebrity: Get Me Out of Here.

They then realise that everyone in the entire northern hemisphere will die. Thermoman tells everyone in a public statement, suggesting a Giant Meteor, Global warming, a disease of some sort or a nuclear disaster. He orders everyone to head to Australia, in the southern hemisphere, which gets Thermoman in trouble with the Australian authorities for showing a blatant disregard for their anti-immigration laws with the number of people coming over.

So Janet rounds up her parents Mrs Raven and Tyler and Arnie with Ollie to wait for Thermoman to rescue them as he is helping evacuate people to Australia. Piers comes in saying that some hitchhikers hijacked his plane and the same with traffic and panic is happening all over the world. After several hours Thermoman appears and tells them all to get into the bathroom so he can transport them to Australia and Tyler goes first (but comes back thinking he has reached Australia already and the rest have beaten him, but Thermoman sends him back in). Then Cassie says its too late showing Ella with her eyes closed on a chair. Stanley displays partial happiness and surprise. Piers checks her pulse and says she has gone(Died), and as Thermoman comforts Janet, it turns out she was only asleep much to Stanley's misery.

Cassie asks what Asleep means. George and Janet realise Cassie had seen everyone asleep from their returned flights to Australia and was confused with Dead and Asleep and Piers was not going to be asleep as she could not tell if the Australians would be awake or not.

Then the News at Night announces Thermoman's apologies and say it will take years to get their transportation systems back on track. This results with George experiencing the worst day of his life but he will not send Cassie away as long as she is sure next time this happens.

George also adds an extra bedroom to the flat for Ollie (who can now Thermo-Potty-Change) and his new sister (watch out for some sibling rivalry to come!), but some of the fixtures and fittings could have been put up with more care, as Ella finds to her cost — as does George himself when he gets an electric shock while turning on the lights when Cassie warned him not to.

George becomes magnetic — to Tyler's delight, then anti-magnetic — to Tyler's dismay, and he and Arnie are soon subjected to an investigation by Mr Allison, an immigration officer, to find out if they are illegal 'aliens'. As they broke the law by entering the country illegally without identification, after Mrs Raven upsets his wife. That's a big problem, since they really are aliens. Is their secret out?

Piers finds a son (created from a sperm donation when he was younger) that he did not know he had (However, it turns out to be a scam by Mrs Raven to get extra money).

As Janet increasingly despairs that George continues to get walked over by people who take advantage of his good nature, Piers (who throughout this has been desperate for a girlfriend and is so fed up when Mrs. Raven tricks him every time a woman is around to see him causing him to think they all love him) provides help for George's lack of assertiveness which is a trick because when George got a new car he reversed into it and got him instead to pay for the damage saying half was for the damage to his car and the emotional stress and by saying woman are the enemy so he got the money instead.

He organises with George a militant men's group with Arnie, Tyler and Stanley amongst others to pass on the words A Woman's place is in the Kitchen, that seeks to give its members back some authority over women. The group is not very successful until George starts using Ultronian mind control on Janet after Piers told him she was the one using him and he thought she had tricked him by getting into the kitchen then the entire female population of the world ...

Meanwhile, Cassie takes up various telephone jobs from her cot to finance the purchase of a doll's house — such as directory enquiries and the speaking clock. Jealous Ollie soon puts an end to her money making, however, by tricking her into saying the wrong thing at the wrong time in front of Janet ("You've been a very naughty boy and I'm gonna give you a spanking!"), who promptly confiscates her phone. Mrs Raven continues to delight in making Piers's life a living hell without him realising she is responsible.

Meanwhile while woman are slaves to men, Cassie cannot stand this and at nights is trying in her cot to find a way to end it all while Ollie is delighted by the new ways.

Fortunately by a miracle Cassie wished for Piers in the park meets a Woman who likes him who has seen him on TV and has a dog named Spot wearing a red skirt and bracelets and Piers finally falls in love.

At the health centre George has used Mind Control on Ella who is at Stanley's command but he finds it irritating when she ask every question for details that annoys him. Then Piers comes in and explains woman are not the enemies then says he made a mistake and then George [except the news lady] turns every woman back to normal but Janet somehow is already back to normal because of Cassie then the woman Piers has arranged a date with is actually a friend of Janet and is only in Northolt for a few days and is in the flat to say goodbye and after George describes Piers' feelings the woman leaves without him knowing.

Ella has big news — she's going to be a Justice of the Peace and a Magistrate. She starts throwing her weight around about the way Janet and George are educating and bringing up the children and threatens them with Social Services.

Meanwhile George has had Tyler fired from looking after Cassie and Ollie After plugging every Volcano in the world and making sure no danger would occur in the next couple of weeks. This was so he could spend more time helping the children. He is also teaching Ollie how to speak the Saturn language as he already knows 360.

Later, Arnie turns up to celebrate Ollie's birthday — to protests from Janet. "It's not his birthday", says Janet, "he's only 14 months old". George explains 14 months old on Ultron is equivalent to 18 years on Earth, so Arnie's got a boozy party planned (involving clubs and strippers) but leaves when Tyler (who bought it as a gift claiming it to be Gold Fish for the kids after his failure with a stick he thought was a stick ant) Put a jellyfish on the table and Arnie got stung from touching it (He thought it was a cake for Ollie and Janet tricked him to get stung to get him out) .

, Ella and Stanley arrive and She catches Ollie with a can of beer and a cigar and she and Stanley take the children away from Janet and George — it is either that or Social Services — and forces Janet to join Piers's Single Mothers' (which was started up when Piers stole the idea from Stanley and Ella when they suggested he should Help Janet believing her to be struggling with Mothering) Parenting class to prove she can take care of them, which is, of course, totally useless as Piers does not know even where Babies come from and knows nothing — but we do get a very interesting insight into Piers's childhood (Such as his father being determined that he would go into medicine and refusing to allow music in the house for four years to stop Piers' desires to be a musician), which explains a lot that takes up to the whole hour.

But Mrs Raven shows respect for Piers in the idea as he advised her to lock her triplets up when they gave her an awful time.

Mrs Raven tries to persuade Ella to take her children, too, and even tries to bribe her (She even says her triplets smoke a thousand times a day and takes the idea of alcohol to give them along with the idea of a jellyfish on the table).

While Cassie is with Ella and Stanley she losses the ability to talk as she does not find time to speak and becomes like a real baby. Ollie "escapes" and makes it back to the flat but Janet convinces George to take him back rather than make things worse, but he ends up on the roof of Ella and Stanley's house with Ollie, which only makes Ella decide to keep both kids for even longer — much to Stanley's dismay. He wants the house to himself again!

Thermoman liberates the stolen Mona Lisa from the clutches of an art thief [along with all his gear on top of the Eiffel tower]. George Sunday, however, comes under suspicion from Scotland Yard when he is unable to explain the picture's presence in his flat. Scotland Yard suspect him as he does not trust the law and he tried to get them to arrest a baby for stealing Ollie's rattle and they saw the Mona Lisa in the flat when they came round to show they had done a wanted picture of the baby by his description and they saw Tyler dressing up in the thief's gear.

(and he even got them to arrest Ella for parking tickets much to Stanley's amusement before he sealed off everything in the house and learn Ollie's rattle was stolen while in the park with Ella and Stanley).

Arnei pretends to be his lawyer when he turns up in an interrogation room where George is having pizza while being asked question he refuses to answer (as they involve him being Thermoman at the time) and tries to get them off his back by asking for proof that the Mona Lisa is the original then they look on the back for Leonardo Da Vinci's signature but they do not see it until George points it out.

This results with them running tests on it and have George put on a tracker on his leg to track him down at all times him to find more proof as the Inspector is getting a promotion for this.

Later at night Arnie, George, Tyler and Janet in disguises try to break in to retrieve the painting and Tyler gives some dustballs for the receptionist to eat then he goes off to the toilet after realising this and the coast is clear then George superspeeds in and steals it back to the flat.

But unfortunately Stanley and Ella come round and put a hole through the picture while Stanley punches him claiming to do it for Janet's safety believing he may have stolen Janet all along being a thief then when Ella Leaves proud of him Stanley has tricked her and follows.

Thankfully Arnie suggests they resurrect Leonadro Da Vinci and bring him over to paint it again. George flies to get him unaware the tracker is tracking his speed in Scotland Yard and when the Inspector see the speed going at the limit he heads after him but as he goes Thermoman flies so fast the machine loses count and self destructs.

Then he returns with him and Tyler knows him personally and it is revealed Leonardo da Vinci is Ultronian then he also makes a Blue copy before the original by claiming it to be a better version. So George uses Superbreath on it for the dry paint and returns it to Paris and this causes the Inspector to be put in jail for framing George without evidence. Arnie takes the Blue Copy and gives it to Mrs Raven to win an Art Competition and she did.

George searches the entire Internet to see if it is safe for Ollie and Cassie (in a few hours), including a lot of references of Britney Spears, unfortunately, it results in him getting the "pop-ups" (a condition which makes him talk about advertising offers every few seconds). To solve this problem, Arnie uses a mind filter to remove the "pop-ups" and any other useless information and prejudices.

Meanwhile at the health centre, Piers has hired Tyler to be the decorator for nothing (for health care that he gets anyway) and he needs Mrs Raven to not be the same nasty self that she usually is, as there is an inspector coming to the health centre, she agrees, providing that she can work it all out of her system before the inspection (involving inflicting pain on Piers)

George then decides to filter the prejudices of Ella and Stanley (which were enough to fill a box of CDs) to stop them from accusing Tyler of the theft of Ella's purse simply because he comes from Liverpool. Ella and Stanley are much more open minded after the process. At the health centre, Tyler's mural, taking of the theme of "Sickness", seems to almost make Piers sick and he tells Tyler to redo it with not so much "Mucus Green". Janet finds out that he has used the mind filter on Ella and Stanley, she wants him to restore them to what they were. George then decides to filter the minds of Piers, Janet, Tyler and Mrs Raven, when he turned the mind filter on, it overloads and gets broken (Arnie underestimated the amount of pure evil in Mrs Raven's mind) and then they find out that the minds have got muddled up, due the fact that the CDs containing their minds were mislabelled (getting J for Janet, confused for T for Tyler).

Janet's mind is in Piers body, Tyler's mind is in Janet's body and Pier's mind is in Tyler's body. later on Arnie points out that the mind filters are no longer on sale and George then to avoid massaging Piers/Janet spends five hours at Tyler's and next morning tells Arnie this and thinks of having an affair with Tyler. At the morning of the inspection, after George tells Arnie Janet finds out what George did, when Cassie told her what had happened, as it was her feeding time. The inspector is slightly confused that Tyler in Janet's body is in overalls, decorating the health centre, this gets worse when Piers in Tyler's body greets the inspector saying that he is Dr Piers Crispin, this is nothing compared to her reaction to Janet in Piers body wearing an NHS nurses uniform.

When she interviews Tyler in Janet's body, he tells the inspector some unbelievable details regarding his medical knowledge (including that he learned medicine on Gallifrey). Once this interview is finished, Arnie asks for more time to the Inspector as she leaves and agrees then tells them that the latest mind filter is Ultronian standard, which would turn a human brain into a corn flake, which results in Arnie taking drastic measures that involve thee use of a disguiseddefibrillatorto switch Tyler and Janet into each other's bodies and getting Piers in Tyler body to switch with Tyler on CD.

Fortunately, Tyler has a mind filter in his overalls and says it was never broken and the batteries ran out and he replaced them [he was more open minded to do this], with this, George puts Tyler and Janet in their proper bodies, unfortunately Arnie had to put something in Piers body to make sure he does not look dead, unfortunately this results in Piers, singing and dancing "Hit me baby, one more time" by Britney Spears.

This results the inspector to make a report where she refers to Janet's questionable medical knowledge and Piers drag act. Fortunately Ella and Stanley save their jobs after talking with the inspector [they were open minded and made up some facts on Piers dressing as a nurse] and this prompts Mrs. Raven to return back to her nasty self as she had to deal all morning with patients waiting for Piers, George then destroys the mind filter, unfortunately Ella and Stanley are in the wrong bodies [but Ella gets her purse back after Mrs. Raven presumably took all the money away when Tyler found it and gave it to her earlier and returned it as her name was on it]...

After he witnesses just about every superstition on Friday the 13th come true (even Tyler's warning to never ever play the trombone on the bus on that date), George starts doubting his invincibility (he is only invincible when he believes he is when Arnie told him after he cut him finger from breaking a mirror by dropping it and went into bed with a cast on his finger), which affects his ability to rescue people (Even one time he failed to save some people in the Arctic because while flying he fainted in sight of a scary bear when it was a polar bear and started wearing all sorts of useless protection gear). He turns into a nervous wreck, and starts disappearing when ever he is scared. Can Janet and Arnie find a way to cure George of his fears before it is too late?

Meanwhile, Piers jumps on another bandwagon by launching his own diet ( with Mrs Raven Charging customers for the prices and does this a lot to Stanley) — The Crispin Diet, no less — - and health drink, then it gains a very dangerous customer (who happens to be a friend of Mrs Raven and ius a mob boss), the drink turns out to be hazardous to Piers's health!

One attempt to help George is to start a therapy for him to conquer his fear but it only makes him even worse when Janet (as a joke) said she was afraid of going first and when Tyler also influenced him by saying he was afraid of crisps and seafood and other things that made George even more scared.....

George Later on when the health centre is closed suggests to Janet in Piers' office that erasing his entire memory will do the trick but in order to remember Janet and the children he gives her a photo album to remind him. But before he can do this Mrs Raven and Piers are outside on the way in so George turns invisible and takes his cloths off so they will not know and Janet hides them. When they come in Janet is leaving saying she was looking at the Photo Album to remember the days when Mrs Raven causes some disasters.

Then Stanley comes in for a checkup on the diet and removes his pants behind a curtain but George (who is nearby) sees Mrs Raven put his Pants in the bin wrapped up and replacing them with another pair. Then after Piers has distracted Stanley with advice on becoming fit he tries them on and claims to have lost more weight than before. When Mrs Raven is about to throw away any evidence to cover what she did George gets in her way and escapes unseen.

Later at night George explains the Janet that Piers is changing his customer's pants for bigger sizes as it is all a scam. The next day Ella and Stanley are told this and demand Piers to give a logical explanation for this before he is sued (since Ella is still training to become a magistrate) Piers lies about it and tells them to Leave.

Meanwhile Arnie brings George over to the car park outside the health centre to touch a Bently he got red paint on earlier when he doubted bad luck along with Tyler's warnings but after one touch he destroys is into pieces along with painting on it he did it and using a lorry to squish it up. much to Arnie's misery when he was not supposed to touch it.

Later George brings a piece of it to Janet inside the health centre laughing off he did it to her. He is unaware Mrs Raven and the Mob Boss are behind him and they George and Janet run into her office to hide. They lock the door and the Mob boss tries to open it. Inside her office George hides under the table but then Ollie (who can walk) in on the desk in a chair reading a book says he will go and fight him making George proud of Ollie for standing up but says he does not have to do it alone because Cassie can help (who is also in the office). Then Janet has a better idea.

When the Mob Boss breaks in and faces George ready to fight George's head turns invisible. Then surprised by this he demands to know what is happening and Janet explains it is all part of Doctor Crispin's diet drink claiming it has side effects such as bad breath, baldness, fatness, and seeing things other people do not (along with hearing voices from babies as Cassie and Ollie in the background say 'daddy broke ya Bently) Then we find the Mob boss has been drinking a gallon of it then he comes out of the office and strangles Piers demanding to know what is in the diet drink.

Piers (panicking) admits it is only some water and mouthwash then the Mob Boss drags him into his office and attacks him while Mrs Raven contacts an ambulance and the news.

As an attempt to get Ollie to eat his vegetables, George brings back some GM vegetables from Ultron, with unfortunate side-effects, especially on Tyler who gets long hair for this.

Thermoman then makes the mink whale extinct by using it to plug a volcano! Piers, deciding that Thermoman has gone too far and spotting a good TV-comeback opportunity when Ella suggests it, starts a campaign against Thermoman's abuse of nature (he even announces on the news that every time Thermoman flies across the world he causes global warming).

George's attempts (one was going by a bike to dangers because of Piers saying when he flies he causes damage, but it takes 5 hours to reach an Indonesia rainforest back and forth with buckets of water) to be environmentally friendly backfire (on attempt was that he brought in the last of an endangered Tropical plague to prove to Piers he cared about nature which got everyone the health centre sneezing and in the process it caused a hard day for Janet and Piers trying to cure them all) until he gets so angry that he has a temper tantrum (which causes an earthquake on an entire planet) and moves the Earth away from the sun ...

This Results with a frozen Earth with snowstorms and Polar Bears. George says he will put things back once Pier apologies for all the lies he said on TV. This proves to be tricky as Piers is in his office keeping at the heaters to himself and believes if he did it it would destroy his reputation but Janet persuades him to because his lies on Thermoman has made the world worse along with the Environment along with doing the apology in front of the world.

Eventually Piers goes onto BBC and announces his apology and embarrasses himself in the progress from reading a paper that tells him what to say. But since the Scots were not watching George still refuses until Janet shouts at him to put the world back, He does this but before the earth is back in place he brings it too close causing the Earth to become inhabited with lions and long grass,

Later on at night Janet looks out side the bedroom window and sees five moons and George explains he moved the earth to another part of the galaxy which involves no more global warming. Janet warms up to the idea.... until George warns her to watch out for the giant moths (then some comes in on her)

It is five years to the day that George and Janet got together [the setting is possibly 2004 by this time]. So he gives her a perfect day. A ray of sunshine follows her all day while it is raining all around, the traffic lights are always green for her, the automated teller machine wishes her a happy anniversary, the main headline in the newspaper: Charlotte Church has lost her voice, a romantic dinner is unspoilt by people chatting on their mobile phones, which somehow catch fire when being used, the stars come together when night falls to form the words "I love you", and in sport, Tim Henman finally wins Wimbledon (after a freak gust of wind blows Lleyton Hewitt into a ball boy)!

This lovely peace is then shattered when an Ultronian TV producer arrives and George has his eyes replaced. He has conveniently forgotten to tell Janet that every second of their lives for the last six months (since she gave birth to Cassie) has been beamed all over Ultron for a reality TV show, called Thermowatch, and George's eyes are the cameras! Sounds horrible, but not as horrible as the news that Arnie has done the same thing to his eyes and started up the Filth channel, broadcasting his nocturnal activities with Mrs Raven all over Ultron as well!

Despite a mountain of her own fan mail and being the most popular character on the show, Janet is not happy with this arrangement and the ratings begin to fall. Something exciting needs to happen quickly or Thermowatch will be taken off the air. Cue Martin, supposedly Tyler's long-lost cousin, who upsets him right from the off by telling him that Gandalf is not real and takes some tablets from Piers to cure him but instead makes him worse[despite Janet admires him as a better version when he uses lines like STAND BACK ORC on Mrs Raven and YOU SHALL NOT PASS on Piers].

Eventually it Turns Out Cue Martin (who happens to know about Thermoman's secret after he saw George appear in as him and Tyler had told him a couple of times) is in fact another Ultronian filming for a channel where he is to seduce the main character's wife.

Also suddenly when George suggests sending Janet to California to his relatives for wife swap she leaves in disgust over to Cue. She finds in Tyler's apartment Tyler is back to normal, although he now thinks he is gay in a divorce, Then when he goes over to George and Arnie who are bored and use him for entertainment to hit plates on his head and when Arnie tells of the New Channel Then the laugh about the idea and in this Tyler points out he and his cousin are nothing alike and he admires the way he cleans his eyes like George does then George superspeeds of to save Janet. While this is happening Janet is being seduced to leave George and is about to kiss Cue Martin... Until George breaks into Tyler's and grabs Cue saying Janet is being filmed and with One touch of a finger blast Cue against the wall.

At night George points out he has had Thermowatch taken off the air due to realising it was a set-up to annoy Janet if she knew about the show to prompt her to leave so she could be used by another channel due to her popularity of Thermowatch. things may seem back to normal Olli [before the credits roll] is seen to have cameras in his eyes with delight saying Good old telly as he blinks [He was considered as a backup camera earlier but Cassie was turned down as all she could offer was the ceiling].

George gets the shock of his life when he wakes up in bed next to Mrs Raven! And he when he dashes out of the bedroom to find Janet, instead finds Piers and Stanley sitting at the table playing Kerplunk! Thankfully it is only a dream, but it turns out that George cannot distinguish dreams from reality (thanks to George eating too many Brussels sprouts).

The old "pinch yourself" trick will not work here, so Tyler gives him a tip to help him tell the difference: if he sees something really bizarre, react with violence, and then he will know if he's dreaming. Uh oh ... Piers is supporting a healthy eating campaign in schools, and has Stanley as an unwilling accomplice, dressing up as a big tomato. Now you do not see that every day! And sure enough, before you can say "sweet dreams", George floors him!

Mrs Raven, meanwhile, has gone missing. Last we heard of her, she was looking for compassionate leave because her mother had just got out today (which Piers is refusing to grant her since she is unable to actually feel compassion!) ... Now a ransom note demanding £20,000 in non-consecutive banknotes for her safe return has turned up, pinned to the desk with a dagger. Piers dismisses it as a scam,[as he thinks it is her handwriting] and until Mrs Raven gives up and comes back, Janet must work overtime, doing Mrs Raven's duties as well as her own!

Meanwhile after George hit Stanley, Piers gives George therapy explaining that he is in love with Mrs. Raven. [Because the next night, he dreamt of rescuing her on a raft and seeing: Janet, Cassia and Ollie's heads turning like him into Mrs. raven] Piers also unknowingly makes George think that all the times he has been Thermoman, were in fact dreams, but later on Arnie snaps him back to normal. Then the next day Mrs. Raven still has not returned and Arnie has been getting ransom orders with Mrs. Ravens' toenails in the mail [and he's been eating them to see if they are hers] and Janet is still struggling with her duties and still does not believe it. Piers has revealed dreams about Janet falling for him but ends with her saying it is a dream.

Back to George, and he still cannot get Mrs Raven out of his head [he even thinks of leaving Janet for her]. His subconscious appears to have saved the day, by explaining to him that those around him who are in immediate danger appear in his dreams. Stanley appeared because he was about to get punched in the face! But what about Piers and Mrs Raven? No time to worry about them now [as Mrs Raven is already in danger and Piers is about to be in danger], as the dark side of George's personality also appears, telling him that that's all rubbish, and that the dreams mean he is in love with Mrs Raven, as Piers told him in the surgery! Then his feminine side arrives, and so on (as he goes to start the kettle) ...

Until eventually all his emotional sub Consciousness go back into his head and then he packs and tells Tyler he is going to return to Ultron after confessing his love to Mrs Raven. But it turns out this George is the Dark Side of George and the real George returns from town after buying some biscuits for the rest of himselves but he vanishes him claiming he knows he is better than them as they are all idiots.

It is closing time at the health centre as Janet is still filing patient records when night falls, and Piers tries to get her to attend a medical awards ceremony in which he has been nominated for a gong (in the "Best Haircut" category) and he has a spare ticket for thanks to his various TV connections so he can be on the Heat Magazine with her as an attractive companion, an elderly woman arrives, and demands to see Piers claiming to have something he wants. As they go into the surgery, a scruffy, terrified Mrs Raven returns! She'd been tied up for the last few days. Well, she did not say her mum had gotten out of hospital ... A blood-curdling scream from the surgery later, and Piers is making an unexpected withdrawal of £20,000 in non-consecutive banknotes from his bank account, and also has a partner for the awards ceremony! Mrs Raven will need a place for her to hide from her psycho mother, so Janet, still overworked (so much so that she has conveniently forgotten to call the police to come to Piers's rescue), gives her the keys to her flat, unaware that George, who has just conquered his inner struggle, (By throwing sprouts at Nelson Mandela when Janet dreamt about him once earlier and believing that settled it) is going to bed ...